I had a hard 15 minute sob after I read the first chapter. It is difficult to express what it is like to care for someone who is dying from cancer, and I hadn't read anything that approximated my experience until tonight. The writing is raw and honest, without being loaded down by self-pity. It went beyond describing the deterioration of the physical body, but included those last desperate interactions, memories, and shared silences. The desire to share all of those stories before it is too late. Actually, I felt a pang of jealousy towards the author, she had a few years longer with her mom than I did with my own, and it seemed that they were able to share stories woman-to-woman. It is hard to share such 'loss of virginity' stories with one's mom when you are only seventeen.
It's clear that I haven't fully dealt with this, given this strong reaction. Yes, there are moments I miss my mom terribly, but the pain of her absence gets quickly buried so that I can carry on with my life. I don't like dwelling on it, and in the process, I haven't allowed myself to fully grieve.
|MB wandering on the AT. Still a bit lost.|